Many readers come to Psychology Today because they have a strong desire to grow and improve themselves. Yet because we live with ourselves every day, we don’t always notice the ways we’ve grown.....TAP TO CONTINUE READING

And sometimes, even when we do see our growth, we dwell on how an earlier version of ourselves was inferior and beat ourselves up about it.

Use the points in this article to take a few moments away from thoughts about your flaws and new goals, and celebrate the growth you’ve already achieved.

Proof You’re Stronger Than You’ve Ever Been

Here are some quieter indicators that you’ve grown stronger and wiser over time, which often go unnoticed and under-celebrated.

1. You’re excited about a hobby that never interested you before.

Maybe you’re suddenly into gardening or photography, or you’re cooking elaborate meals for the first time. You’re excited about activities you once dismissed. This shows a willingness to change your mind and let your self-concept evolve.

2. There’s an old interest you’ve outgrown.

Perhaps a TV show or podcast you invested hours in now seems naff. We often beat ourselves up for having “wasted time” on interests that no longer seem worthwhile, but another perspective is that you’ve extracted the value it had and moved on.

3. You want to work with smarter or less conventional people.

Experiencing a desire to work with smarter and smarter people shows we’ve noticed that iron sharpens iron. We’re not so intimidated, envious, or jealous that it precludes us from leveling up our colleagues and collaborators.

Just as a desire to seek out very smart people to work with can be a sign we’re interested in solving bigger problems, a desire to work with unconventional people can show you’re willing to give up some of the safety of predictability. You tolerate some unpredictability for novel perspectives.

4. You’re more tolerant of things being uncertain, unresolved, or in flux.

Many times in life, we need to tolerate problems we can’t solve straight away, situations we’re seeking clear answers for but aren’t finding, or relationships that are in unfulfilling phases. Learning to stride on with purpose when we have anxieties or distractions is a sign of mental strength.

5. You’re able to see other people and past events more charitably than you used to.

You’re better at seeing complexity and grey. You can look back at past conflicts or disappointments and understand both sides better now.

You see how context and circumstances shaped people’s behavior rather than attributing everything to character flaws. You’re less quick to write people off as simply good or bad, recognizing human complexity. You recognize that your perspective at the time might have been limited or colored by your own struggles.

6. You’re more interested in disciplined approaches.

It’s a sign of emotional maturity and wisdom if you’re interested in approaches that require long-term consistency. When you find yourself less attracted to a five-week plan that over-promises and more interested in a time horizon that spans years, that shows both maturity and confidence. You believe in your capacity to be consistent over long periods.

Research shows people tend to become more conscientious as they age (at least through middle age). Through cultivating confident patience, you can reap the benefits of this.

7. You’re less sure of who you are.

Feeling less certain about your self-concept isn’t a necessary sign of growth (you can be growing without feeling this), but it can be a sign you’re exploring more diverse aspects of yourself and growing in unexpected ways. Feeling less like the self you imagined yourself as can mean your nature is changing over time, for example, becoming more conscientious or less anxious.

8. Feeling embarrassed about work you did in the past.

Whenever we produce a piece of work, it’s like we’re making an early version of a tech product. Tomorrow’s version will be better than today’s.

When we create version 100, we can find ourselves feeling embarrassed about version 10 or version 1. This isn’t a sign your past self sucked. It’s a sign you’re incorporating new knowledge and expertise into your work.

9. Routine activities don’t seem as boring.

It’s a sign of mental strength if you’ve found ways to grow as a person through “boring” activities like dull work tasks, chores, the repetitive aspects of parenting, or the daily grind, like your commute. If these routine activities don’t feel as boring, it often shows you’ve found ways to cognitively challenge yourself, grow your self-discipline, or practice your mindful observation skills via the “boring” activity.

10. You’re more realistic about what you can actually sustain.

You’ve learned to temper your expectations from prior experiences of making plans that your future self can’t follow through on. You’re more accepting of, or even embrace, the realistic limits of your humanness, your individual nature, and your current circumstances or life stage.

11. You’re more comfortable with “good enough” solutions.

You understand both the opportunity cost and cognitive cost of perfectionism. You recognize that solutions can be temporary and improved later, rather than needing to be perfect straight away.

Subtle Internal Shifts Reveal Your Developing Cognitive and Emotional Maturity

Some of the points we’ve covered could initially seem negative: being less sure of yourself, outgrowing interests, feeling embarrassed about past work. However, on closer analysis, these “problems” are often evidence of development.

Our culture emphasizes obvious signs of growth (like outward, louder confidence), but misses the subtle internal shifts that show developing emotional maturity. When you look for signs of your growth, rather than your flaws or ways you’re not yet your ideal self, you’ll find evidence of your development in unexpected places.